Get your Time and Your Focus Back

A friend and colleague of mine, a guy I admire very much named Doug Slaybaugh, was asked in a team meeting the other day, how can he be so clear about how he decides to spend his time.

So you know, Doug’s done a remarkable thing with his life: pivoting from being a successful CPA to being a successful coach. And he’s got a lot going on- building a business, doing good work, supporting and engaging with his family, and caring for himself.

He’s often asked to speak on the topics of coaching and business development. When asked how he allocates his time, he responded quickly and with a ton of certainty,  ‘I am in or out. If it’s something I’m interested in and it’s in alignment with my goals, I’m totally in and committed to it. If not, I don’t spend any time on it.’

Sounds simple but there’s a lot to unravel here:

• He’s become ruthlessly clear about what’s important to him
• He says ‘No’ to things that don’t make the list
• The things he chooses to do, he does very well.

This comes up so frequently in conversations I have with leaders. They feel pulled in a million directions and it’s tough to determine what’s the right way to spend their time. And , worse, despite putting in a ton of time and effort, they don’t feel successful. As a client told me this week, ‘I’m working twelve hours a day plus parenting and having a life,  and I don’t feel successful anywhere.’

It’s worth considering that, the only thing we have control over is how we spend our time.

As we grow in our careers, people will want more and more of our time. Ironically, when we’re new in our careers and we seemingly have less influence, we actually have bigger latitude in how our time is allocated.

When we become more senior and our scope grows, more people want us involved. That’s when it becomes ultra-important to take charge of our time. (And, of course, things become even harder to navigate if you’re also trying to  navigate being a parent or caregiver or partner or friend.)

Turn away from ‘Managing my time’ and toward ‘Managing my Priorities’

So, consider reframing your Time Management to Priorities Management. What are your true priorities? Or said another way, how do you want to measure your success in the coming months?

It starts with identifying what’s important to you right now in your life.

Limit your priorities to 3, 4, no more than 5 – we simply cannot hold more than that in our heads. If everything’s important, then nothing is important. Then determine how your time allocation can support your priorities. If you’re like a lot of high-achieving people and feeling like you cannot get anything done, it might actually mean you’re getting a lot done but just not those things that are important to you.

Here’s how it can work:

1. Set your Life Priorities. Possible List of Priorities

Work/Career

Family and Friends

Self-Care

Spiritual / Personal Development

Now, get going:

2. Over the next X months (I suggest no more than three months ahead), what are the outcomes that will make me feel successful in these areas?
3. And, based on those outcomes, what are the Actions or Critical Success Factors which are most likely to ensure those outcomes? If success at work is one of your Priorities, then it might mean accelerating the hiring of a key new individual. If connecting with your kids is one of the priorities, it might mean ensuring nothing gets in the way of attending their All-Star baseball game.
4. Make the outcomes and Actions/Critical Success Factors part of your planning process: place these at the top of your To Do list and create the time on your calendar, and make it uninterruptable. These are only priorities if you’re willing to dedicate time and energy to them.

Does this mean that you cannot do anything outside of your list you’ve developed here? No, other activities can be considered but you need to make the decision consciously to go outside of your list and understand why you’re making that decision.

[By the way, Tony Schwarz has some worthwhile thinking on the topic of managing your energy instead of your time: https://hbr.org/2007/10/manage-your-energy-not-your-time}.

Taking Joy in Saying No

If you’re going to focus on your priorities, it means you’ll have to turn down some (many?) requests for your time and expertise and energy. Which means learning to feel good about saying ‘No’.

For many people, especially those raised in a culture of perfectionism, this requires a change in mindset. We were raised on the rule of always helping out, always saying yes. That habit won’t serve you in taking control of your time or your priorities.

One powerful way of thinking about it , suggested by the amazing Molly Graham,  is that rather than Disappointing you by declining your request, I’m giving you Clarity on what I am choosing to do. Giving people clarity and reality is a gift; now they can make decisions based on more complete information.

As Molly says,

There is a difference between delivering a disappointing message and behaving in a disappointing way.

• The question I used to ask: “Did they walk away super happy with what I told them?”
• The question I now ask: “Was I respectful, helpful, and fair?” This is the standard to which I want to hold myself accountable, consistently.

The Art of the Positive ‘No’

We avoid saying ‘No’ to things is generally we don’t want to disappoint people, let them down or [the worst of all!] we worry they won’t like us.

And sometimes, if you want to focus on your priorities,  the best response is to decline the opportunity, to say ‘No’. You can do this in a positive and helpful and respectful way, without appearing uncooperative.

First, be responsive- answer the emails, even if you know it won’t be something in which you will participate; this is only courtesy and provides the recipient some certainty that you’ve received and read the message- isn’t this how you’d expect to be treated?

Next, Caroline Webb describes the ‘positive no’ in which you acknowledge the value of the project while still declining, then offer up some help: “Thanks for asking me to be part of this. I can certainly see how the work is going to positively impact Company X’s operations. Unfortunately, due to other company commitments and priorities, I won’t be able to participate. But here are three suggestions for people you might want to talk with whom have appropriate expertise…”

The point is, no one will protect your time and your priorities if you won’t.

You can step into a life in which the things which are important to you are getting done.This involves holding a mindset which emphasizes making yourself important. It’s not selfish, it’s not uncooperative, it’s simply giving space so you can bring your whole incredible self to the world.

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Thanks for reading. I hope you’ve found value in this. If you could use some help getting out of overwhelm so you can joyfully bring your strengths to the world, feel free to reach out: [email protected]